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*AHH!

Apr. 22nd, 2007 | 02:47 pm
mood: nervousnervous
music: Freddie Le Grand - The Creeps

I start working at the Daily Mirror newspaper tomorrow, I am shitting myself! =[

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*What a spree!

Feb. 15th, 2007 | 02:23 pm
mood: excitedexcited
music: Jermaine Stewart - We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off

The past few days I've done nothing but spend money!

Went on a big spree on Tuesday, I got...




I spent £50 in River Island, £35 in Primark and £50 on underware at M&S, Along with a top from Next for work uniform and a LUSH cream 60's style long coat, it was £75 but so worth it! I also got a gorgeous off the shoulder dress from ASOS on the same day and that was £30, so I've spent a good few hundred, then today I bought a load of new make up, some of that pumping lip stuff (hope I don't end up with a trout pout! And some curling tongs. I don't care though, I get paid next week and needed to spoil myself.

Tomorrow night I'm going to make sure I look amazing, tanned, curled hair, lovely pout lips and lush outfit...think I'm gonna wear my new dress. I need to start enjoying myself and look to the future, I've not had one word from Lee in 2 weeks, 2 days, he's being completly out of order, and I really don't wanna know anymore.

Kayleigh's coming down and we're going out with Nicola and Sarah to Oceana and we'll be meeting Ash, Bash and Lee (not dick head Lee) in there, it's gonna be a wicked night, I can feel it in my waters!

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Loves,
xxxxx

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*She's right.

Jan. 31st, 2007 | 07:52 pm
mood: crushedcrushed
music: James Morrison - The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore.

Nicola just said this to me:

"brave people get shot first, dont be brave be a big wet pussy, dont hold it in, cry untill your eyes bleed, your going to do it at some point so stop being brave no one is judging you babes i promise you".


She's right, I need to let it out.

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*Absolutely heartbroken.

Jan. 30th, 2007 | 01:36 pm
mood: indescribableindescribable

I wasn't just being paranoid, Lee finished our relationship this morning.

He said he was only making me happy, and he was living a lie, we're completly different, and talking to his old friends and his ex made him realise this.

What the fuck is that about?!

So two days away from me and our what was healthy relationship has made him end things with me?

I think it's bullshit. I have a feeling he's cheated. 

When we first pulled he had a girlfriend, he cheated on her with me on New Years Eve, and then straight away he finished with her. I think this is history repeating itself to be honest. 

Maybe he wants to be with her, or maybe he just can't face up to the fact he did something bad. I know I'm jumping the gun assuming all this, but I'm usually good at knowing the way he works, I can always predict when somethings wrong.

I was only saying to Kaye last night that I had this feeling something was wrong and he was going to end it with me, and what happens, he does.

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*Makes no sence.

Jan. 29th, 2007 | 10:20 pm
mood: sadsad

Ok, so time for ANOTHER rant...

Lee works nights now, so instead of seeing him every night, I can only see him on Sundays and Mondays when he's off. Last Monday he asked me if I wanted to come to Brighton with him, this physico girl (more about her later), his mates Dave and Chris to meet up with 3 of his old mates and his ex girlfriend...who doesn't know the other three mates, but she lives in Brighton too, so he was gonna kill two birds with one stone. He was going on Sunday (as in yesterday).

I said yeah, and said I'd bring Nicola and Stuart and we'd make a proper good time of it. However, a few days later he told me he thought it was best I didn't come, cos there was already a lot of them going and he didn't wanna invade his friends houses. I was a bit pissed off, but forgot about it.

Then yesterday morning I sent him a txt saying, "are you still going to Brighton today, ring me and let me know whats happening". As I thought if he wasn't going we could meet up. I sen that text at 11am, and by 2pm I thought sod this and called him. He picked up and said he was on the way, but Dave and Chris we'ren't going, so it wasjust him and this physico girl.

She's a physico becausewhen I first got with Lee she used to turn up on his doorstep, she planted a pair of socks and her purse in his car under the seat to piss me off, I dunno whether it was to make me think they shagged or what? I mean why else would she take her socks off? She blatently did it on purpose cos there was hardly anything important in the purse and she never bothered to call him saying she'd lost her purse. She's actually spent some time in a mental hospital.

Anyway, we hadn't heard from her for two and a half years, so this is who he's with on the way to Brighton and here's me thinking if Dave and Chris weren't going, there wasn't a lot of them going, why can't I go?

I asked him if he was coming back that night and he said yes, so I told him to call me and I'd pick him up from the train station. It got to 1am last night and I'd not heard anything, so I thought to myself, hang on - it's Sunday are there going to be any trains home? Maybe he'd already got one home. I text him and asked and he said..."I'll call you tomorrow baby. I'm still drinking. Love you x" I asked him when he was coming back, and I got no reply.

He was supposed to be spending today with me, but he's not come back from Brighton. His phone is off. I called his Mum, he's not come home, and she's not heard anything. We had like an hour long conversation, and I found out this ex he's gone to see has just split up with her boyfriend, and now suddenly she's texting Lee?

I've had absolutely nothing from him, if his phones died he's meant to be with people, what would it take to borrow someones phone? What the hell is he playing at? Where the hell did he sleep last night, and who with? I'm fuming and have millions of questions going round my head.

He knows he won't see me for a week now, how could he do this? 

There's nothing wrong in our relationship, we're not having a rough patch or anything, so why has he done a dissapearing act with a physico girl to see his newly single ex girlfriend? 

I don't get it, I'm so upset.

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*Sums it up.

Jan. 29th, 2007 | 06:02 pm
mood: depresseddepressed

I wish I could believe him

Ooh, yeah


I wish I could believe you


Then I'd be alright

But now everything you told me

Really don't apply

To the way, I feel inside

Loving you was easy

Once upon a time


But now my suspicions of you

Have multiplied

And it's all

Because you lied


I may never understand why

I'm doing the best that I can

But I, just can't seem to get over

The way you hurt me

Don't know why you gave another

Who didn't mean a thing, no

The very thing you gave to me


I thought I could forgive you

I know you've changed

As much as I wanna trust you

Oh it ain't the same, no

As before this woman came


I loved you more than ever

More than my own life

The best part of me I gave you

It was sacrifice

When you broke

Your word that night


I only gave you a hard time

Cos I can't go on and pretend, like

I don't remember feeling

Like I was no good

Like I couldn't do it for you

Like your mistress could



I know she was attractive

But I was here first

Been riding with you for 5 years

Why did I deserve

To be treated this way by you

I know you're probably thinkin'

What's up with me?

This sounds like a 50's record

That's alright with me, yeah


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*Lovely Mummy.

Jan. 18th, 2007 | 06:48 pm
mood: sleepysleepy
music: SL2 - On A Ragga Tip

Just got treated by my Mummy, bless her. She bought me stuff from my work.

I got;;

-
Navy and blue dress.
- Khaki shirt dress with attached belt - it's actually a lighter colour to this when you see it. I am going to wear this with brown leggings and killer heels with lots of cleavage on show!
-
Casual jeans, like these but in the dirty denim colour.
- Black shirt dress, which I can't find a picture of.

I also got myself some new work trousers on my uniform allowance.

I had my hair re-done today as I complained she didn't colour it properly last time, I had to get up early and drop 2 projects in at Uni, the deadline wasn't til 4pm, but I didn't think I'd have time, so I'm quite shattered now. Dunno if we are actually going out tonight cos of the damn weather, it's so windy and cold, if I do go out, I'll have to drive...can't have the hair getting fucked now can we?!

Loves,
xxxxx

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*General upadtisms.

Jan. 16th, 2007 | 04:11 pm
mood: okayokay
music: Monica - A Dozen Roses

Long time, no post. 

So the anniversary last Monday was good after a few hiccups, all that mattered is we got to be together. <3

Tuesday consisted of a tutorial at Uni, afternoon at Lee's and then work that night.

Wednesday; I was rudely awoken by Terri who turned up at my house with no warning and jumped in my bed and made me get up. I drove us into the village and we had lunch at Tootsies, she got the £30 bill. Thats a fucking lot for two people for lunch! That night I had work again as usual, I stayed at Lee's house that night.

Thursday I popped to Uni early afternoon to have my new ID card done, and then went back to Lee's til he went to work. That night I was picked up by Stuart and he dropped Nicola and I to Slutton and we went down the pub and then on to Liquid, and had a great night :o)

Friday; Nicola and I drove up to Borehamwood to see Kayleigh, Becky, Hana and Sarah. We got to Kaye's at 6pm andthen the others came over, we got a take away, then Becky and Sarah left at midnight and us lot stayed up chatting, Hana left at 5am! 

Saturday; we drove back, and I did some Uni work and stayed in, I was shattered. 

Sunday; I went to Lee's at about half 7 and then we went bowling with Nicola and Stuart, and I won! Nicola came second, we thrashed those boys arses! Then I stayed at Lee's.

Monday; Lee and I went into Wimbledon for a bit and then I went home, Nicola came over and we got ready to go and meet Sarah and Terri for dinner at Chiquitos. 

Today I had a tutorial, and now I'm off Uni for another two weeks as it's reading week next week. We haven't had a lesson since before Christmas, what the hell do I pay all this money for?!

Anyway, I have to leave for work in half hour, so I better get ready.

Loves,
xxxxx

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*Xmas Party & What Not.

Dec. 17th, 2006 | 04:38 pm
mood: sicksick

So last night was my works Christmas party. After a shitty day, finding out Lee wasn't coming even though I asked him months ago, and being in tears about it, as well as other things, his new job is affecting our relationship, we can't see each other as he's working nights, I'm not used to it, and finding it hard over the Christmas period to deal with.

Nicola came round in the afternoon to cheer me up, bless her. She did my hair for me too, it looked lush, I only have a picture though when I got in and I was steaming drunk!



This is the outfit I wore:



And my drunken ladieswear manager, who either fancies me or is gay! With his secret santa leopard print pants!



He always tells me that he likes my hair and perfume and last night he liked my skirt and made me do a twirl cos it has detail on the bum. He was asking where I got it from, and I said, "Tony, you sound gay", and so then he said, "Ok how about this....I like that skirt on you". Then my mate Lisa pinched his bum, and he thought it was me!!! He then said to me, "shall we dance?" And I said "you're a bit late asking me, how come you didn't earlier?" And he said, "I've been looking for you all night!" Ahhhhhhhh!!!! He is fit. But blah! It's only flirting! I just hope Lisa doesn't tell Josey who she works with, cos then it'll get all round work and I'll feel highly embarrased! :-/

Anyways I had a good night, lots of boogie woogie and drinking, I wasn't gonna go when Lee told me he wasn't coming, cos I'm not the type of person to turn up to things on my own, but fuck it! I'm gonna have to get used to it. I went, and I felt better for going and even had a good time.

Tomorrow it's up to Hertfordshire to Kayleigh's, we're gonna go into Watford for a meal and sme drinks to celebrate her 20th (which is Thursday) and Christmas and just have a really good girly night as we haven't seen each other since Hana's birthday, I can't wait! Expect lots of pictures!

Tuesday gotta drive back down fairly early and then go to work, wednesday I'm spending the day with Lee before work, and the same on thursday. I have no idea what's happening on the weekend or what we're doing for Christmas Eve yet! 

Right, must go, roast dinner's ready and then I have to get ready for drinks with the girls tonight.

Loves, xxxx


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Sep. 27th, 2005 | 01:55 pm

My journal will now become

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